Are You There, 6 God? It's Me, Christel


And boy do I have a bone to pick with you...

I love Drake’s music. Really, I do. It’s catchy, easy to rap or sing-a-long to, undoubtedly emotional, and on a surface level—Drake’s music is even relatable. Part of the appeal is how raw and unrelenting he can be with his lyrics. By showing his soft side in Marvin’s Room or giving us endless Insta-caption opportunities in any number of his singles, the rapper/singer has solidified his spot on top. Now, as a fan and feminist, I have only one thing to say. In the somewhat altered words of 21st century philosopher, thinker, and self-proclaimed God, Kanye West: “Drake, I’m really happy for you and I’mma let you finish, but… your lyrics are low-key misogynistic as hell.”
            There, I said it. Oh, and you’re a crybaby too. Listen, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Champagne Papi is an asshole. He hides behind this seemingly gentle façade and uses his voice to tear down any and all women who have ever done him wrong (a highly subjective term). We hate when Taylor Swift does this, so why is it okay if our beloved Aubrey Graham do the same? Oh, wait it isn’t…
            Truthfully, I wasn’t made fully aware of this until Drizzy’s latest album 'Views' dropped. Take one listen to the hit song Child’s Play. The intro, “Breaking news, my niggas. If your girlfriend has went to any season opener basketball game, best believe she’s fucking some niggas on that team. She’s fucking somebody on the basketball team if she’s at the game.” insinuates a few things: Women can’t afford their own tickets; we aren’t capable of enjoying a sport enough to buy tickets to the season opener game; and we only care about the perks of our S/O’s job. Ok! Cool! Keep listening.
“Why you gotta fight with me at cheesecake?! You know I love to go there!” … “This a place for families” … “They don’t need to know all of our business!!” And yet, you didn’t think to keep said business out of the ears of your millions upon millions of fans.  The song continues with Drake singing once more (the song’s first verse included this line) that in due time, he will buy the mystery pain in his ass a new outfit—because clearly that’s all she wants. To be bought, scolded, and then reassured with the promise of more gifts… Funny how this is incredibly juvenile behavior, and yet I have the feeling Drake was not intentionally referring to himself as the child when naming the song, “Child’s Play”. Later on, the rapper goes from threatening, “Don’t make me give you back to the hood” to reassuring? “Took you from the hood and I could never bring you back.” Question! Who are you saving from the hood that is completely incapable of pulling themselves up by the bootstraps and providing for themselves like a normal adult?? Asking for a friend…
            Let’s talk about Drake and DJ Khaled’s summer hit, For Free where Drake offers up the idea that he is just so good in bed that, honestly, he should start charging women to sleep with him. It would only be a disservice to society if we didn’t all have the chance to sleep with our favorite emosh rapper for a fee. Oh, and let’s not overlook the fact that Drizzy, hero of the year, is still saving women from the hood. “Even though you in the hood I’m still pulling up.” Thank you, I’m not sure what these hood women would do without your sexual services and ceaseless over sharing.
Or the played by the hour hit, One Dance where Drake acts like the possessive and overly confident guy you regret giving your number to when he says, “As soon as you see the text, reply me. I don’t want wanna spend time fighting…” Like, ok, neither do I, but one dance doesn’t usually fix things. Life is, in fact, not a musical. “Too Good” is too obvious. I think we’ve established by now that Drake is too good for us ALL! Did he really need to make a song confirming this information with fellow singer, and girlfriend Rihanna? I think not, but I’m also probably feeding a confirmation bias against the album at this point.
In all seriousness, the real problem here is that while good, Drake’s new music unveils a side that not many fans were fully aware of in recent years. This side to him reminds me of a cautionary tale about chameleons that my father told me growing up. Either Drake has been harboring thoughts like these the entire time, or he’s succumbing to the hip hop machine, which so easily lifts women up and proceeds to tear us down in a massacre like fashion. So, 6 God, if you’re reading this, which one is it? Are you blending in, or finally showing your true colors?