To Love and Let Go

WORDS BY CHRISTEL LANGUÉ / @CHRISTELMICHELLE
VISUAL BY ZOE GILLIGAN / @SAOLZOE

Dear Citizens,
     
   After much consideration I have decided to publish a collection of writing from my journal in honor of Valentine's Day! I have never considered myself a poet, and in all honesty, I grew up disliking and not quite understanding poetry. However, I soon learned to appreciate and even love poems when I started attending university in the fall of 2015.
   One of my favorite coping mechanisms has always been writing (whether I am good at it or not is up for discussion). What you are about to read is a bunch of my thoughts, feelings, and some reactions to the world around me over the span of a few months. None of this has been edited, read, or looked at by anyone other than my mother, best friend, and roommate. That being said, there's a chance this is all shit... Happy Valentine's Day! x


He smokes cigarettes
And chugs grain.
He has the most complex
Little brain.
When I looked into his eyes
I tried so hard to find
The soul he hides
Behind the high.

Am I crazy
For wanting
To love you
Baby?
You love it when
I call you that.
I love it when
You text me back.
It all seems so simple.
We were just having "fun".
But it's been more than a week,
Cat got your tongue?
What was I thinking?
We were moving too fast
It's true what they say,
College relationships don't last.
But is that
What we had?
Was it a relationship
To you?
Or was I just a girl
That was easy
To talk to?

He never did anything to hurt me.
He was good to me.
He cared.
He was just
Never there.

I miss you,
I do.
I shouldn't
It's true.
I see you in movies
And
Hear you in songs.
I smell you in scents that come along.
I remember the last time
That I looked in your eyes.
They were red
And
You were high.
You were smoking
One of your
Cigarettes,
And I
Felt like
I had lost my breath.
There were so many things
That I wanted to say,
But small talk
Took their place.
Things like
I miss your kisses
And
I miss your face.
I miss dancing the night away.
With you,
Only you
Because I was yours 
And you were mine.
Even if only
For a short time.
I miss you,
I do.
I shouldn't,
It's true.
But every time I smell
The heaviness of a 
Cigarette
I remember the story of how we met.

He kissed me like I was water and he was in a drought. 

I feel so dumb
I feel so numb
I just wanted to belong
To someone else
To someone new.
He said he cared,
I should have listened to you.
You never liked
The lines he'd say.
They sounded too familiar,
Like a movie
Or a play.
Not real life,
Because this wasn't real.
The truth is he just wanted
A body to feel.

There is a saying
That goes,
"Live by the sun and,
love by the moon."
But what am I 
Supposed to do,
On those cloudy days
And
Moonless nights?
Am I living?
Or
Have I died?

You are like broken glass.
So enticing to the eye,
So dangerous to the touch.
Yet so tempting for me to pick up.

It's hard to not hate the things that remind you of what once was.

Your eyes tell a story that your lips do not yet know.

Love is
Fire in the eyes
And
Ice in the chest.
It causes you to lose your breath.
Letting go is 
Seeing you
And not saying hello.
To love is to see pink,
To let go is to stop and think.
It's starting to feel a bit forced,
Maybe things have run their course.

4 comments:

  1. What a wonderful poem ! Love it.

    xx

    Jade

    ReplyDelete
  2. this is so beautiful!i love it, women dating can be hard!but we girls have the strenght to give birth and to give the world beautiful things, just like poems like Christel wrote!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Margy! I'm glad you enjoyed this piece! x

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