Underage Alcoholism


I don’t recall when or why I developed feelings for you.
I don’t recall when or why you developed feelings for me.
As nostalgia over takes me I determine that I reveled in the idea of you,
but not much else.
You were quite generic, which set you apart from the rest.
The classic trademark of sweetness, kindness, and understanding.
It was much more than what I usually asked for,
which is why I should have known it was too good to be true.
You now say you were solely being respectful when you asked me to put my lips on yours,
or when you wanted my parents to write your recommendation letters.
When you told me I was beautiful was it out of decency as well?
I can safely say the moment I touched my mouth to yours it was not out of amusement —
it was because I felt something.
For the first time in my life, I felt something.
In my mind, your emerald green eyes closed when your lips melt into mine.
In reality, your emerald green eyes are alert and open when your lips melt into mine.
The nervous heartbeat I heard inside your ribcage when you’re holding me
is not nervous for the right reasons.
It was anxious about me finding out the truth.
You did not love me, and your heartbeat gave it away.
My eyes are always closed when I kiss you,
and my heartbeat always nervous.
But now it is not nervous for you,
it is an agitated rhythm because I am petrified
at the thought of finding somebody new.


I have five minutes to write this and in five minutes I will be over it.
In five minutes I will be over you.
Frothy at first, makes you lick your lips.
But if not distilled for the right amount of time, a bitter tinge will soon arrive.
Things went too fast, we rushed the process
We lost everything because we didn’t let ourselves age.
He told me lies about you.
Everything that he had told me that you had ever said about me--lies.
I saw hope again, and I tried to talk to you on Friday
After your game where you lost.
I saw you score and I knew I was lost in you.
I talked to this guy after your game and you said nothing to me.
I should’ve known.
I blamed it on myself, and presumed you were hurt.
A false assumption.
Out of all of these robots wooing me all I desire is you.
I don’t know why,
because you feel nothing for me.
You tried me out, did not like the way we aged,
and you threw me away.

Bar Fight

I got into a fight with one of your friends,
and you told me to shut the hell up.
I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t stumbling, I was clearheaded
and totally in control.
He was completely inebriated under the influence of ignorance.
That, in my opinion, is the strongest beverage to consume.
It wasn’t distilled in any way, it was one hundred percent pure. 
And you took his side.
You took the side of arrogance, privilege, sexism, elitism, and racism.
You had the nerve to go off on me.
To give me an ultimatum.
The thing is, you care far too much about what they think of you.
That is truly disgusting.
Your double standard is unfair.
Why would you care what they think of you when they can’t even see you,
blind under the spell of intoxicating foolishness?
Ignorance is not bliss. It is stupidity.
So, I in turn gave you an ultimatum —
“Either grow the fuck up,
stop caring what people think of you,
or be a boy forever.”

All images found on Tumblr

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